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Annoyance II
from the grrr-very-grrr department.
written by alan on September 30, 2002

Music: *playing in my head* william orbit - pavane pour un infante defunte (maurice ravel)

And yet, I feel so very annoyed. After reading jenn's journal entry this morning, i feel almost angry. My god, i mean does she know i exist? Better yet, does she know how i feel? Is she so hardened that she can;t see there exists someone who doesn;t care about her past...someone who only cares about her. Or does it come down to that same line i've been fed many times over...'I just wanna be friends'. This, my readers, makes me wanna go postal. I HATE hearing that crap. I mean, what the fsck is it about me that's not relationship material? Can someone pipe up and let me in on this forbidden secret? Is it so bad if i improve myself? Or is this society's way of removing one more hopeless romantic from the population. I'm done with just bring friends to countless people...i want to move on too...where's my chance, eh? I've got that right to evolve, just like the rest of you. At this point i'm willing to sacrifice the physical for the emotional. The physical will be necessary, but the more pressing need must be filled first. And the physical will occur...eventually. I've waited this long for it, so i don't mind waiting a bit longer if i can get my feet wet in the meantime.

I agree with jenn that the word 'love' is used too loosely...used too many times without actual meaning. Hence I have refrained from using it myself to express similar feelings. The use of that word should be well thought out and applied correctly no matter how many times it seems convenient for it to be used in a current situation. I just wish i knew her more...i want to know if there could be a 'we' in there...if there is any chemistry. True, this all comes back to the fact that i'm not there, but if there could exist something then i'm sure we could work out an agreeable solution. I love the challenge of solving a problem...ask anyone :) And i'd put my all into solving this one...it means so much to me that i keep going in this life. Since I only get to live once, I want to try to live life right. I've had the pain, i know what its about...now its time to have the other half. A line from the movie 'Vanilla Sky' springs to mind here...'the sweet isn't as sweet without the sour'. I've done the sour...i've always had the sour...and i need the sweet. A balance must exist.


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