ethereal.cc
Backwards
from the can-i-even-get-back-there? department.
written by alan on September 13, 2009

So, I need to not think about it nor expect it and it will just happen again. I've always said that such a feat would be next-to-impossible for me to accomplish given my past experiences. However, is it really that difficult? When I pause to reflect on the life that once was, I remember how I felt. I actually resigned myself to not care about it at all. Perhaps it was all the drama that I went through to get to that point. Maybe I was just a naiive twentysomething, of which I could still very well be. Forcing myself to not care will most likely fail. I suppose it just has to come naturally.

There are no magic potions, no simple pills, no friendly thoughts, no bits of sage-like advice and unfortunately no easy answers to this. After this latest event, I almost wanted to stop caring. There's still a part of me that's clinging on to "hope". There's always hope, or so they tell me. The other part of me is not so sure I should believe them.

I "think" I know what I want. I don't want to play the field to make myself sure. The field is heartless; it does not care what one feels nor does it feel anything itself. I hate the field.

Am I at least allowed to ask for help in letting go? I wonder who would provide that assistance.


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