ethereal.cc
The Process
from the we-fear-change department.
written by alan on September 13, 2002

Music: Underworld - Sola Sistim / Twist / Move

I passed my test! :) This event has relieved me quite a bit. I'm still in shock that i did it too. I thought i may have failed it at one point. However, with this behind me i know the end of school will soon come, and with it i can start my life. I'll have more time to spend working on my lack of a relationship...as well as improving existing relations. I need to get out more...bigtime.

Currently, i'm in the process of working a couple things out with jenn. She may not see it as such, but for me its helping. In her journal, she says that she regards me as a close friend...one of the closest. She's never let me know this. At least not up front, which is how i like things. I need to be told straight out. She also hardly talks to me. When i asked her about this, she replied that she doesn't like smalltalk. Well hello? What do you like talking about then? How the hell am i supposed to know what to talk to you about if you don;t talk at least a little bit to me in the first place. This is how i get an idea of things you like discussing...by talking. I can't read minds, people. Lets face it...i really like jenn. I think she rocks. But she's making it hard for me to hold on to that. I wish she'd be more open with her feelings to people. I believe she'd find that some of her problems may go away...or start to at least. She's too closed off...and that shell is hard to break through when more layers are being added on.

I supose i could say somewhat of the same thing about me. True, many people do not know of my 'other' sides. My softer side, especially. I'm sure most people think i don't have one, or they're so turned off by what i do show that they don't care to see what else I have. Perhaps melissa really had something there when she said i needed to show more compassion. It certainly is proving harder than i imagined to show this side of me. Help would be nice...if there was any to be had.

Now all i need is someone to prove me wrong...


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