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Uncertainty
from the don't-know-if-want department.
written by alan on July 02, 2006

i'm still unsure, and i'm not fond of uncertainty. This weekend, i've been getting mixed signals or what I think are mixed signals. When i attrived at her house on friday evening, she made me feel loved again; a feeling that I had genuinely missed over these past few months. She told me she missed me...and she genuinely meant it. It felt so good to be missed. It was simply heaven to hug her and kiss her like we used to. That is what I miss most. The love that we once shared so often but that we only share once in a while as of late. Maybe its still the fact that because she works so much she doesn't have the time to devote to those feelings. Part of me wishes that she would tell me this. I really, really wish she would talk to me about all of this. Most likely, what I want to hear is that she still loves me and that she's getting some of that love back that she had lost before. Do I just want to hear these things? Am I over-analyzing things? I don't know. I don't know if i'll ever know. Should I know this? There are times when I think I shouldn't need to know this; that it's all a game. I'm really not in the mood to play any more games. I've had enough of the games. Is it a game? Am I playing a game? I wonder how I'm going to work that one out. Like I said before...maybe this is just all an over-reaction and I really have nothing to worry about. I hope she'll want to tell me that. It helps me so very much.


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